What if…?

Anniversaries are typically a time to look back on what has been accomplished in years past. How have you grown? What have you accomplished? What could you have done better? What do you want the next year to look like? It is a time to reflect on what was and to look forward to what will be.

There is nothing typical, however, about anniversaries celebrated alone. “What was” and “what will be” is exchanged for “what if.”

I imagine for some in similar circumstances that asking “What if…?” can be a devastatingly sad experience. It’s not for me. Perhaps I am just too practical, or perhaps I have grown and healed, but the “what ifs” bring lightness and peace. Of course, like in every good aspect of our relationship, that is not about me, but fully about Emily.

Emily was positive, and driven, and optimistic, and hopeful, and fun-loving, and silly, and compassionate, and all the things that make someone so remarkably missable. There is no “what if” that I can think of where I can’t envision her and how she would exist in those circumstances that doesn’t result in two things:

1. A desire to want to be better myself.
2. A warm feeling of gratitude at how lucky we were to have her.

As I celebrate what would have been our nine year anniversary today, I’m embracing all of the “what ifs” and smiling to myself.

“What if” I was the luckiest guy ever?

Happy anniversary, Eminan.